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I have started to worry that I have a pre-occupation with riding into/over various members of the animal kingdom, what with running over a dog, a suicidal Blackbird and riding up the arse of a bee.

Anyways, on my way to work on Monday I noticed a badger on the side of the road. It had not been squashed and looked unharmed, though the lack of movement meant it was dead.
By Wednesday evening it was really bloated, it reminded me of the scenes in Shrek when they blew up a snake and a frog and had them on a string.

I than got to wondering if it could get so distended that it would actually explode. Would it look like Alien had burst out of it? Would a car end up covered in bits? Hang on, what if it went bang when I went past?
I was so deep in thought that I forgot to hold my breath as I went past. OMG, WHAT A SMELL!!!

So, the commute in on Thursday was with a certain amount of eager anticipation. What would the Badger look like? Had it exploded?
As I got closer I started a mantra so that I would remember to hold my breath.
Well, it had not exploded spectacularly, in fact it still looked pretty much the same but with the exception it was no longer bloated.
I would say that I felt let down, put that would just be a bad pun.

The badger is probably gonna get its revenge every day. On the way home I remembered to hold my breath, but I could not remember exactly where the Badger was, so nearly suffocated. I then made sure I was well past the badger before breathing in.
I had failed to take in the negative pressure I had created as I passed, because whilst I thought I had travelled well past it, as soon as I took that first big deep breath, I realised that I hadn’t.

Maybe I will take a different route to work tomorrow.

Read the update here

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